Trading Responsibility for Fandom

As a young child, I was quite artistic, creative, and imaginative. I loved writing, drawing, and painting, but as I got older, I allowed other things to get in the way. I stopped reading. I stopped carrying a notebook and pencil around with me. I abandoned my drawing pad. Stopped buying paints.

Responsibility had to come first.

I abandoned my dream of becoming a published author. Of being able to draw and paint on the side.

A large part of me withered. My soul was starving, lacking nurture. I knew that something was missing, a part of me lacking, leaving me unhappy. Unfulfilled.

But once you’ve abandoned a dream, how do you get it back?

I started with small steps. After an almost 4 year hiatus, I started writing poetry again. Then I started working on other projects. Jotting down my notes. Leaving pen and pad on my nightstand for when I’d wake up in the middle of night, needing to scribble down the words that had formed themselves while I slept.

It was freeing. Exhilarating.

Why had I waited so long? Why had I abandoned this part of myself? Why did I think that I would be okay if I didn’t allow myself to explore my own form of self-expression?

Why did I allow the basic need for a paycheck get in the way of actually living?

To this day, the only answer I have is that I was forcing myself into becoming a responsible adult. I was trying to fit an imperfect, soul-killing mold. Once I was able to recognize this, I was able to move forward – which for me, meant moving backwards. It meant rediscovering a part of me that I had thrown away a used pair of sneakers.

My days of randomly sketching things seem to be behind me (though that may change one day), but I have started drawing and painting again. I have also started putting together vinyl kits and helping my husband paint his custom Transformer Kitbashes.

Vinyl Female Guyver - I had to put this together, paint and seal it, then attach the hair.

Vinyl Female Guyver – I had to put this together, paint and seal it, then attach the hair.

In the end, all that matters to me is that I explore the creative side of myself. I never allow what I perceive to be society’s expectations to box me in.

I am happy to say that I’ve torn off my shackles. I’m letting my inner geek shine. No one can tell me who to be if I don’t let them.

Who are you?

What society told you to be?

Or are you your own creation?

The creature standing behind the vinyl Guyver is a Custom Transformer that I painted for my husband. We are venturing down this journey together - each exploring their own creativity so that we can meet in the middle.

The creature standing behind the vinyl Guyver is a Custom Transformer that I painted for my husband. We are venturing down this journey together – each exploring their own creativity so that we can meet in the middle.

I also put together the dark black, bright blue, and yellow figure standing behind The Guyver. It was an awesome experience.

I also put together the dark black, bright blue, and yellow figure standing beside The Guyver. It was an awesome experience.

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5 thoughts on “Trading Responsibility for Fandom

  1. This is so true! I gave up cosplay before I had truly even started it, because I thought I was being immature and that I needed to grow up. But making it truly is exhilarating! It feels so good to watch something I love come out of a drawing and into my hands.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ain’t that the damn truth! To draw or see something and think, “I want that for myself,” and then to make it, to have it, it does something for you. To have it go from concept to reality is freeing. Like you’ve just breathed life into a creation.

      Have you rekindled this part of yourself? Are you back into cosplay?

      Like

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