Most everyone’s heard of the rotten tomatoes rating system. But this movie doesn’t even deserve rotten tomatoes. No, that would be too good for it. What it deserves is for the original film to be burned, buried, and for the “grave” to be peed on. No one should ever have to suffer through this film again.
Ok, let me start at the beginning.
Recently, while flipping through Hulu Plus, I was watching movie trailers. Under the category of “Upcoming Movies,” I saw a clip for Digging Up the Marrow. After watching it, I was intrigued. It showed promise. When I googled the title to find out when it would hit theaters, I was surprised to find out that it actually already came out on DVD. (Wait – Hulu! Why haven’t you updated your lists? It’s not like you to lead me astray. Shame, shame.)
Over the weekend, I rented the movie. It was filmed “documentary style” – think Blair Witch Project – which should have been the first major indicator that I would hate it. But I did my best to stay open-minded. Again, the trailer had me a little psyched.
Here’s the premise:
What if the ghastly images and abominations haunting our collective nightmares actually exist? Writer/director Adam Green (Hatchet) sets out to make a documentary exploring this tantalizing premise after being contacted by a mysterious man named William Dekker (Ray Wise). Dekker claims he can prove that “monsters are real” and insists these grotesque creatures are forgotten, hideously deformed humanoids inhabiting a vast, underground metropolis of the damned. Determined to expose the truth, Green embarks on a bone-chilling odyssey and gets more than he bargains for when he dares to go Digging Up The Marrow.… More
(courtesy of Rotten Tomatoes)
Sounds great right? And based on the trailer, it had all the makings of a terrific monster movie.
The first hour of the movie was spent interviewing this kook named William Dekker – trying to get him to explain how he knows about the creatures and trying to get him to take the director, Adam Green, to their site. After much cajoling, they finally head into the woods. They set up a stake out in the middle of the night, waiting. But they’re not prepared. They don’t have night vision goggles or a night vision camera or, well, anything that they would need. Dekker keeps insisting that monsters have crawled out of their hole and they are right in front of them. And they whisper loudly, and they argue, and finally, they turn on the camera and light and BAM! there’s a monster standing in front of them. And you think, “Ok, maybe it’s been worth it to sit here watching this stupid thing.”
Unfortunately, nothing else happens until the last 20 minutes of the movie when you are suddenly bombarded by monster images after Adam decides to go into the woods alone and starts shouting and a monster takes his boot (yes, you read that right) and Dekker shows up and starts shouting at him, “What have you done? You’re going to ruin everything!”
Next thing you know, they’re surrounded and they run to the car to escape and you think they’re about to die because there’s one in front of the car and one reaching in the window strangling Dekker and one on the roof of the car. Woohoo! Finally, some action!
Then the screen cuts away and they’re back in Dekker’s house and everyone’s alive and he’s saying that he has to go back out there because he can’t let them escape – even though they just threatened his life but let him leave for some odd reason. Ok…… yeah, that makes sense.
So the next morning, Adam and his cameraman go back out to the woods and the hole leading to the monsters is filled in. And that’s when I expected the movie to end. But it didn’t.
It cuts to Adam in his office saying that a missing camera was returned and then it shows the video from said camera filming the underground where the monsters live and there’s heavy breathing and the thing goes up to a large metal cage containing a naked Dekker. It shakes the cage and he starts screaming that none of this was real and don’t try to find him and monsters don’t exist. Then the monster, who apparently knows how to operate a camera, takes it to Adam’s house in the middle of the night, breaks down the door, and hand delivers it to him in his bedroom where he and his wife are sleeping. It reaches its deformed hand out (this is the only part of the monster that you get to see) and it looks like it might strangle him. Instead, it pulls its hand back and makes some kind of sonic noise that startles them awake.
What a waste of almost 2 hours of my life. That could have been soooo much better. But it wasn’t. So, I implore you: please, whatever you do, don’t watch this movie. It only encourages more crap like it to be made. Sadly, I just did a post on Friday the 13th (which we have another one coming up next week – go figure) about horror movies and listed some to avoid. I almost wish I would have waited. Damn. I need to go find some cute kitten videos to scrub out my brain.
In your opinion, what’s the worst movie you’ve ever watched? Horror or otherwise?